My second least-favorite commercial is the one where the two strangers, both eating McDonald's "Premium Chicken" sandwiches, say the exact same words at the same time. At first it was somewhat cute; by the time they both simultaneously blurt out "An elephant has four knees"... I was just annoyed by it.
But I doubt the makers of the commercial would give a damn, because it got me thinking: I tried one of the "premium" line of McDonald's chicken sandwiches when they debuted in the summer of 2005. I wasn't a blogger then; I rarely even ate fast food. But I was driving up I-5 in the Central Valley on a Friday night and very hungry. I wasn't sure what options there would be after I passed the off-ramp with the McDonald's so I thought: What the hell, let's give it a try.
And it was terrible, a rubbery piece of chicken on a stale bun. In all my visits to McDonald's in the years since - and there have been many; I live with a woman who loves the Golden Arches - I have never even considered trying another sandwich from their premium line.
But here I am six years later, watching a commercial that made me want to throw the remote at the wall - although to be fair, the Angels had just brought in a relief pitcher (whom I've hated all season) with the bases loaded and he promptly gave up a grand slam on his very first pitch, so really my anger was 95% due to that - and it made me think: Maybe I should give it another try. The ads do say that they are using a new bun. Maybe it'll be better this time around?
So for dinner I went down to McDonald's and ordered the Premium Crispy Chicken Classic Sandwich, wishing that they had another couple words they could tack on to that name, because five isn't enough. (Does anyone ever think: You know, the Double-Double is delicious but I just wish it weren't so easy to say. I wish they called it the "Premium Double-Meat Double-Cheese Classic Burger"?)
One minute after I received it I was home and I opened the box.
Damn, it actually looked pretty good. I mean, sure, there was a slice of tomato poking out, one of the ugliest things you will ever see in life, but the bun looked golden and soft and the dark-golden chicken looked okay.
I removed the tomato and took another picture. Thankfully, there wasn't a disgusting amount of mayonnaise on the sandwich - like, say, the chicken minis from Burger King - and I took a bite.
Wait a second... Where the f**k did that come from? I swear I did not play any tricks with the photos nor add any mayo after I took that first picture. I did not seen any mayo on the sandwich, I took a bite, and suddenly mayonnaise was everywhere.
But I didn't really care, because the chicken was so absolutely terrible that nothing could have made it worse. There could have been a cockroach in the middle of the sandwich and my first reaction would still have been "Wow, this chicken sucks."
(By the way, I once drank two-thirds of a pint of Guinness at a bar in Pasadena - all of you who know me know exactly what place I'm talking about - before realizing that there was a cockroach submerged in the bottom of the glass. Good times.)
The chicken patty was thin and overcooked. The batter was crunchy in a not-good, cooked-way-too-long kind of way and the chicken had zero flavor to it. I have had the McChicken sandwich several times off the Value Menu and it has always been better than this. And, at $1.19, about one-quarter the price. I admit the bun was quite tasty but I just couldn't get past the chicken to give it its full due.
Did a slathering of Trappey's hot sauce help the sandwich? Nope. Nothing could have.
Maybe in 2017 I will try this sandwich again and hopefully the third time will be the charm.